chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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