By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
