Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
