As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
