i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
