sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
