Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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