Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
