we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
