At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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