He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
