you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
