I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Bring me that man meat
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
