suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
