Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
