Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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