What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
