Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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