you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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