So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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