I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
