While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
