she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
