'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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