I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
