i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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