are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
