Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
