I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
