I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize