i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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