Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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