I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
