we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
how drunk are you?
Several
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
