What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
