Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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