You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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