No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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