Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
