lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
4 words: hood of his car
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
