when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
