ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
