i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
