I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
