We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
