I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
