I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
