she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
