glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
