I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
