Where did you get a picture of my penis
handjob tips. give me some.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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