i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
