Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I only lived at night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
