her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
