You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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