legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
