my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Fuck appropriateness.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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