You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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