You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
