wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
