Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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