these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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