i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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