They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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