I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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