Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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