This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
