Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
