Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
